So, my good friend,
Paul Tseng listens well. He keyed in on an idea at a class we and fourteen or so others attended this past October. The message? Writers of yore, Dickens et al, used to serialize their novels or short stories (which later turned into novels) in newspapers to attract readers and build a solid readership.
Just yesterday he notified me that he has a new blog, the
Blog of Paul Tseng. Is live and available to read. He's a wonderful writer, by the way! So, you should check him out.
Okay, so I'm thinking, "Paul! Brilliant! What a stellar idea!" Of course I'll be copying him. In fact, as you will see, I'm posting my short fiction below! Oh, did you think when I titled this "Weekly Shorts" I meant clothing? Silly goose. I'm a writer. I don't have nice clothes, just jeans and PJs. I write atop the mattress... it makes me happy!
And now, without further delay... my short for the week, a science fiction-esque little number entitled...
JUNE, HIDDEN BY THE MOON
by Susan Wingate
Normally, we shied away from opportunities like this one. Space travel, I believed, should be done by experts, astronauts, you know?
But, for some reason, their ad enticed me into asking my husband, Mark, and, for some reason, he agreed. It was one of those weak moments you have when you get all excited about something, it seems right at the time, and then until the day comes to actually do it, you dread the whole idea. But, we paid for it, in full, and committed.
That's what happened with our trip to June, the newest planet in our solar system, the one that had hidden behind the moon for millennia upon millennia, the one NASA had found in 2012, just before the proposed end of the world the Mayan's had predicted centuries before. Another Y2K, sure but the hype of the Mayan's apocalypse far outdid anything we would've dreamed of in 2000.
Anyway, we had booked the trip in January for a trip to June in June. Cute, yes but marketers think of the every possible way to make a sale and this worked for us. Plus, Mark's birthday is in June, we wrapped the whole thing up as his birthday present. And, we both got pretty excited after giving them our credit card for the price of $415,000 fare for two. They told us the cost of booking two saved us half a ticket price if we booked them separately. A deal, they told us.
So, of course, we had to get all of the gear, a burn suit, just in case, traction boots for gravity and if we wanted we could take along a pet. They offered pet-friendly vacations, very PC organization. And, after much deliberation, we decided to take Peaches, our little tan-colored kitty, a small delicate little feline who absolutely becomes distraught if I leave for even a day. Peaches it was. We decided. Good thing too because of how things turned out plus, Mark isn't a big fan of cats. Not really.
Anyway, Mark, turning sixty that year, had been working out, constantly. He had gone from this latent, drinking, eating mass of flesh to this lean svelte handsome man again, like the one I married so many years before.
I hadn't changed much. My physique, still thin, still shapely, had never faltered. I had maintained an active lifestyle, taking walks on moony days and jogging on sunlit nights, the world's magnets had shifted by then and turned everything a bit topsy-turvy in the process and, no, no one exploded, things just flipped ever so slightly. Toilet water swirled in the opposite direction, clockwise instead of counter, fire burnt downwards curling into itself forming an odd blue ring but quite prettier than the old fire only burning with its flames straight up although some people got a bit of ennui every so often wishing for the “old days” but don't we all sometimes. I mean, I do. Especially now.
So, finally the day comes and nine of us, me, Mark, Peaches, Jonathan, his cat, Tiger, Fanny, Quoyle and Jen all enter this penis-shaped vessel. It reminded me of all those cartoons I watched as a kid where the cartoonist had drawn the rocket ship like a bullet with three fins at the bottom. It was just like that. Gunmetal gray. Matte. Basically, unattractive and large, standing about seventy feet tall. Holding all the amenities anyone could want – a kitchen, two bathrooms (men's and women's) with showers and bed chambers for us all plus a nice round den area with a bench encircling the interior girth of the room where we all sat and communed, when we wished. I didn't so much. I'm more to myself, a loner, I guess.
Plus, the ready-room, the place where we sat upon take-off and landing looked much like a movie theatre without the movie screen but had chairs with seat-belts like those found in old-fashioned buses, the kind with only one strap for your lap.
The ship's crew, only two – Pat and Candy, a couple of rough and tumble gals but competent if for nothing else but their sizes, acted the part of knowledgeable astrotourguides. We had placed our lives and Peaches into their hands.
Strapped in and ready for take-off, I held Peaches in my arms in a sling so she couldn't escape and so that I could use my hands freely if need be. My nerves had pitched to a level that teetered on, breakdown. Mark slipped me a Diazepam.
“Chew this up, now!” He barked the order under clenched teeth and even though he whispered it, it still sounded like a bark.
I took the tiny pill gladly, mashing it and swallowing it fast, hopeful for a fast result.
Peaches wriggled.
The engines girdled, spitting and rumbling building into a loud buzz. Thank goodness for the headphones they supplied in each seat's armrest. I slipped mine on as did a few others. Fanny slept through the whole thing and fascinating Mark in the process.
I cupped my hands over Peaches ears and the ship, shivered and shook and before we knew it, we had lift off. If you've never been in a rocket ship the lift off is enough to make you want to turn tail and run away. It's slow and precarious as the boosters burn away from the earth's surface, from the launchpad. It feels a lot like you're suspended a few feet above the ground just swinging there for about a minute. But, then all at once you feel movement again, pushing you up and away from that suspended point and then, before you know it, you're zipping up fast, so fast the skin on your face feels like it's been pinned to your ears.
I can only imagine what poor Peaches felt but the sensation only lasts for about five minutes until it evens out again.
A thick four-foot impenetrable, heat-protective glass wrapped several sections of the ship's walls making a 360-degree view window in each level. Through lift-off we watched planes coursing a track for east and west, north and south, miles off in the distance but ever so briefly as we shot cannon-fast pulling off each stratosphere and finally exiting the Earth's atmosphere.
Trees became pin points of green and roads became lines on a map. I almost expected to see an inset showing a legend of an inch portraying some hundred miles or so but as quickly as the thought occurred to me the earth's shape became a ball and you couldn't see one detail except for changes in shades of blue, light and dark.
As the crew promised, once out of the earth's orbit, the rumbling subsided and we went careening past the moon. It gave me the feeling like someone had thrown a ball past my eyes, it went by so quickly.
And, I don't care what anyone else tells you. The moon? It looks like a wheel of cheese. Not cheddar but Swiss, all holey and cream-colored. I swear.
So, Peaches was petrified and never fully got over it. She cowered for the most part, either with me or with Jonathan and Tiger. Jonathan had a sweet streak in him a mile long and a calming effect on cats I hadn't seen, ever, in a man.
He would crack open an oily can of tuna or some fishy-smelling canned cat food he'd sneaked on board, or put out handfuls of kibbles for them and they'd eat together. And, once Peaches finished eating she either clawed at me to get back into her sling or she curled up in a deep fur-lined kitty bed with Tiger.
The group areas looked a lot like anyone's home with carpeting and cushions on these wrap-around benches. The only thing that looked out of place was a single ladder running straight through each floor in the center of each level of rooms.
Oh, and the showers. They were open-stalled and spit out a hot stream of chlorine-permeated water and had rubber mats with several holes punched out for drainage that you stood on. Of course we expected all of it. The literature of the trip had all the appropriate cautionary statements, truth in advertising and all that.
We had to wear goggles and could not drink shower water. We brushed our teeth with potable water and used conditioner, of course, in the shower but no shampoo because as you know, chlorine and soap make a toxic and deadly fume when combined.
As we journeyed the two-day trip past schools of asteroids and herds of cosmic clouds we finally spotted June. They estimated our arrival time within four hours.
June appeared in the distance like a green marble streaked with carnelian veins. It looked alive.
Within an hour we could make out large masses of, as they explained, nitrogen pools – thick deep spaces taking up the larger part of their planet much like oceans on the Earth's surface. They told us, June's inhabitants played on the beaches as we humans do at our beaches.
Junians, as we soon began referring to June's inhabitants, also looked very much like humans on one side of their body but on the other they looked more like a burn victim. The crew instructed us not to avoid staring at the different side because avoiding that odd side offended them, that they felt we seemed to prefer the side looking more like us humans. A cultural thing that they suggested we proscribe to. You know, when in Rome, do as.
And, even while Junians had their preference – that we do gaze on that different side – they continually turned that odd side away from humans as they spoke to them, which created an odd conversation as we continually walked to that side, with the Junians pivoting away and the human, kind of, orbiting around them.
Anyway, it made for dizzying conversation but it was usually an enlightening one.
The only time we didn't go through this rigamarole was when we were sitting with them. Then, etiquette dictated you stare out as you spoke with them. Which was fine with me and a hell of a lot easier than running in circles around a Junian trying to view their odd side, odd to humans, anyway.
So, we land...
It felt like landing on a pillow, we bounced about a bit until the ship settled and clamped its landing gear claws down deep into the Junian earth.
We snapped on our gravity boots and headed off the ship. The atmosphere of June is much like an altitude at 15000 feet on the Earth so as we traveled they reduced the oxygen levels so evenly that we never experienced any headiness or oxygen deprivation. And, so we were well prepared to breathe Junian air.
Each of us, upon exiting, paused a moment at the portico.
I guess we expected some vastly different landscape but, no, it looked much like Earth in the desert. Not like the desert you see in sci-fi movies all empty and desolate. No. The desert like in a city with buildings and vehicles (I'll get to those later) and markets and industry.
It was crazy modern. The buildings looked like warehouses and held not only stores but residences as well. Of course, they had McDonald's on nearly every street corner and as dictated by the Universal Council, they all spoke English, Spanish or French.
We, being humans, weren't expected to learn at that point even Japanese in schools and I expected Junian would be a long way off in the future as part of Earth's curricular requirements.
But, I digress.
Everyone could get along well speaking English and sometimes it was fun to hear them speak French, so I would engage them in the language just to hear the way they said French words. And, yes, they sounded much like Texans speaking French but the French, as you know, think all Earthlings other than French Earthlings sound like Texans speaking French.
Mark went his way and I went mine. He had had his fill of Peaches and needed a break. I guess I get it because I had been talking baby-talk to her the entire time and he was sick of it.
Mark found a convenience store and began helping out. He wanted to experience the business side of June and having owned convenience stores on Earth he wanted to experience that business especially. I passed him and he waved and smiled. I lifted my baggy of French Fries and Coke that I had gotten at McDonald's as a “hello” and he nodded but then Fanny walked up to the counter, buying some thing and took his attention away from me.
I feel like she had a habit of taking people's attention away from others. She had these blue eyes that looked like the sky in the daytime and, at night? Like turquoise. They changed colors.
Plus, her chest outsized any other I've ever seen and her ass, well, she must've been named for her ass 'cause it was indeed one of the finer asses I've ever had the opportunity to look at, in my life and, hey, I'm not flaunting but mine is rather nice, slim and shapely but Fanny's? No, hers was one of those heart-shaped perfect asses you see on swimsuit models and at forty-five, I'm no swimsuit model.
Still.
Anyway, not thinking anything about it, I went and found a block of cement in front of a row of warehouses, sat and began to eat.
A loud scraping sounded, almost making me choke and making Peaches dig into my skin as she slunk deeper into her sling.
A huge tambour door folded into itself, like a garage door, opened up behind me. I had been seated at the entrance of a Junian's front door!
He came out.
“Wha-at.. [tick]... are-a... [tick]... you-a... [tick]... do-a-ing-at?” His voice bent in all the wrong places and clicked in-between each word.
I jumped up.
“Having a snack.”
“Re-a-peat-at... [tick]... p-at-l-at-ease-a.”
“Ha...ving aaaa ssssnnaccckk...” I repeated so slowly it made me sound like I was talking to a moron but I knew he just had to process the English. After which the bends and clicks he'd first started speaking with slowed then were lost completely.
I turned to the right side of his face like we'd been instructed on the ship and he turned away like we had been told they did and we spun in this weird little twirl of a conversation and finally, having gotten nearly sick from dizziness, he asked me to sit.
“Sit down.”
I nearly fell at that point. Peaches had stretched out around my waist in her sling probably in an attempt to assuage the spinning sensation.
By the time I sat, I'd lost my appetite and handed them to the Junian who had decided to sit next to me.
“Want some?”
“Crap!” He yelled so I sat them down next to my right hip just in case he changed his mind.
“Well, if you change your mind...”
“Crap! Meant for tourists and Earthlings. Crap!”
“What do you normally eat?” A stupid question but I was tiring of hearing the word “crap” so I asked.
“Nambletaffs and quiddlestampers. But they're bad for my pump. Had to go last year for a reaming. Still. I eats them. But, Kej gets mad so I eats them out most times.”
I just nodded figuring if I asked for any explanations of what nambletaffs and quiddlestampers were, I'd just get more words describing food that had no meaning to me whatsoever.
“I like salad.” I interjected.
He didn't ask but I could tell he didn't know what a salad was. “Salad?” I said. “Oh. It's a mixture of greens like lettuce and tomatoes and onions and...”
But before I finished he interrupted, “Lettuce. What is lettuce?” I stared at the human side of his face, forgetting, which made him look away but, really, I thought, did he really think I knew what a flipping nambletaff was?
I looked away again.
“Forget it. Suffice to say, it's food and I like it.”
He nodded his head too, kind of getting that I had tired of our small talk.
“What do you do here on June.”
Which he took way too literally for my taste.
“I LIVE here.” He said making me look at his human face again.
He turned away again.
“I understand that you live here... what's your name?”
“Fantin.” He answered and made me think of Fanny.
“Fantin. I'm Thena, short for Athena.” Wishing I could take it back almost as I spoke it but this word he understood.
“Athena, the goddess!”
“Yes!”
“You're a goddess?”
Re-wishing I could take it back I said “no” and nearly turned to look at his human side but stopping myself when out of the periphery of my eye I saw him twitch at my slightest movement in his direction.
“No,” I repeated looking straight forward out at a row of warehouses, “no, it's only my name.” I could tell he was nodding, getting it. “So, Fantin. What do you do when you're not just living here on June, I mean, do you work, do you have some fun like play?” I had to run it all together so I could explain myself, my question to him so he wouldn't answer something like “I live here” again. You know?
“I work.”
Shit. But then he added. “I play too. I live, work and play here.”
I closed my eyes figuring he wouldn't be able to understand how ridiculous and futile I felt the conversation was.
“Are you irritated with me?” His human side glanced in my direction.
“No. I just think I have a bit of a language, um, a communication barrier that we don't have time enough to work out.”
He nodded. “Yes, you do.”
I rolled my eyes away this time shielding my look from him.
“Hello.” He said. My head was still turned.
“Hello.” I responded.
“No. Not you. Kej. This is Thena, short for Athena.” Someone else was with us. When I finally turned they both turned away from me. Fantin still sitting and this new guy, Kej, standing. I looked forward again.
“Hello Kej.” I said.
“Hello, Thena. Is Thena short for Athena, the goddess?”
“Yes.” Fully expecting him to repeat the “oh my are you a goddess” comment.
“Pretty name.” Kej said instead, making me look at him in surprise and making he and Fantin turn.
“Thank you, Kej.” I paused momentarily turning face-forward and continued. “I'm not the goddess.”
Which made him respond. “No. I wouldn't think so.”
Making me roll my eyes like, what the?
Anyway, I'd had enough, my ass had gone numb and the fries had thoroughly gone cold so I jumped off their cement block porch.
Kej said. “Don't forget your fries.”
“Would you like them?” I said as I looked at the ground facing them as I spoke.
“Cold fries? They're crap!” Said Kej, making me nod my head in agreement and picking up my garbage.
“I suppose they are.” Still looking at my feet, I said my good-bye and turned to leave.
But, right then, a winged vehicle flew over us. It looked like a normal airplane but the wings actually flapped in a painfully slow motion and it made zero sound. I turned back to Fantin and Kej who turned their burnt faces in my direction. I stared hard at them.
“What is that?” I pointed to the air vehicle.
“An air ship.” Kej responded first. “Much like your planes on Earth.”
Fantin looked at Kej like he was the smartest guy in the world and rubbed his stomach. Kej rubbed Fantin's then and they both jumped backwards at each other bumping their rear ends together and making, what I can only describe as, a giggling sound to one another. When they did, Kej's human face and Fantin's Junian face watched me in this yin-yang sort of macabre display.
They stopped, looking surprised and Kej quickly turned his Junian side to me stopping the whole weird scene. I stared hard again.
Then, a sausage shaped air vehicle so high in the sky went sailing above us making a noise that I can only describe as equal to a something grilling on a barbecue.
“What's that?”
“Oscar Meyer. It's a franchise, you know.”
Kej was not only smart but business-wise as well.
“Ahh.” I responded. “Well, thanks Fantin, Kej. Nice to meet you.”
They nodded their burned faces toward me and I turned to go. I had spent way too long away from my ship mates and Mark and Fanny and needed to get Peaches back to the ship to let her potty in the litter box.
As I ventured back past the convenience store, Mark was nowhere in sight.
And, when I got back to the ship all the others were sitting on chaises lounging in the Junian sun and sipping on some grayish drinks all the while looking stoned drunk.
“Has anyone seen Mark?”
“Yep.” Jonathan answered.
“Where is he?”
“You don't want to know.”
Tiger had gotten fully accustomed to the cool Junian breeze that was lofting through the soft silt where he laid. Peaches was still happy inside her sling.
“Why don't I want to know?”
“He and Fanny are up there.” He popped his nose once high in the air over his head, making me look up.
And, there they were, Fanny and he, nuzzling it up lying on a beach towel and necking.
My cheeks prickled as my face filled with angry blood.
“You want to see a beating?” I asked Jonathan who smiled a very drunk smile at me but then the Oscar Meyer wiener plane went by and distracted him.
I grabbed a stick off of a woody shrub-like-plant. The stick weighed in at a good two pounds and had little stiff nubs on it. It tapered off at the end like the switches my mother used to use on the backsides of us kids when we lied or stole or cheated, like Mark was doing right now with Fanny.
I climbed up the embankment and got between them and the sun casting a long shadow over Mark.
“Having fun?” The question seethed, nearly hissed out of me.
“Thena.” He pulled his face off Fanny's god-awful chest. “What are you doing here?”
“The question is 'what are you DOING?'” I said.
Fanny rolled out from under Mark and Mark, sensing the dead space between them, nearly fell onto his face.
Fanny had seen the switch. Mark, not so much.
I raised my arm fast before she could slide away any farther from me and dealt her a blow on that perfect ass of hers, then raised my arm again, another blow to her ass cutting her skin with the stick making her welt up fast and bleed.
Then I turned on Mark.
Jonathan must've heard the screams because he pulled me off of him. After ten blows, he later told me, he reached us. After the twelfth blow he finally stopped me.
I flogged Mark just about over his entire body. He had to be gurneyed into the ship. Fanny couldn't walk either but they only had one gurney and one wheelchair so she got the wheelchair which hurt her just to sit in it and made me think it was the gift that kept on giving.
Jonathan gave me another Diazepam after settling me down with one of those gray drinks. By the way, they taste like Jaegermeister, a strong herbal alcoholic taste.
Jonathan said later, he saw it coming. You know, between Mark and Fanny. I guess they'd been eyeing each other on the space ship for two days. It amazes me even today that I missed it, it seemed totally hidden to me, like June hidden behind the moon.
Anyway, Jonathan kept making such a nuisance of himself, consoling me, taking care of me and Peaches, well, I just had to reciprocate.
We're a two-cat family now. Me Peaches Tiger and Jonathan and we stayed on June. Fantin and Kej helped us find a place. It's a comfy little spot, all concrete with a huge tambour door and a view of the landing pad for the Oscar Meyer wiener. It's a franchise, you know.
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